Twinkle’s Inner Life
Before Susie-Belle came to us, I did a reasonable amount of reading, preparation and digging about making contacts with those who knew better in terms of the psychological problems that we might face that her puppy farm existence could have left her with. As I recall in the book our first year together was a huge learning experience for us as much as her; we offered what we hoped were opportunities to help her grow to live a life of contentment and peace – over time. I don’t think we’ve done too bad and Susie-Belle has done even better; today, over 3 years out of the puppy farm we know that with us, she is almost a normal dog and most definitely a happy one – that can and does change when she’s out of her regular surroundings, or if something unexpected occurs, but most of the time, she displays all the signs of being a perfectly peaceful, content dog.
Sixteen months ago, Twinkle joined us and we hoped that our experience with Susie-Belle, coupled with all the extra research I’d immersed myself in, the fabulous people with their dogs that we’d met and learned from, would help us help Twinkle. And no doubt that it has, and we’ve certainly needed to be confident with her in ways Susie-Belle never really required. Where Susie-Belle’s anxiety is a quiet, shyly persistent presence that stays mostly in the shadows, Twinkle’s anxiety is a big, blousy nasty force that can spring out and shock her – and us – and even after all the months and months living in our peaceful home it continues to plague her daily life.
But she is making steady steps towards being less anxious, less disturbed, we see progress all the time; she has fewer incidents of hyper-reactivity and panic; she visibly works her way through moments of confusion. For example it’s beautiful to see her mind think through that rather than fleeing up the stairs when I approach to put on her harness, she’ll take a deep breath and sit herself on her favourite bed and allow me to clip the harness on. We’ve been doing this two or three times a day, every day for sixteen months, yet still, if Twinkle’s not ready, or I approach too briskly, or her mood, or my mood is not conducive to this daily ritual, out bursts that pesky, brash anxiety-demon and off she’ll pop into a panicky performance. At home it’s manageable, she’s safe, she calms herself quickly, we ignore it and go back to our normality. But if we’re out and about and Twinkle’s anxiety spins into super-panic, it can be more challenging. We’ve not had any incidents now for quite sometime thankfully, but we have our ways that keep her safe and I keep an eye out for any signs we may need to be alert whilst staying calm – an almost contradictory thought, but not quite, as I know what I mean and need do which is really all that matters to Twinkle.
I’ve recently been reading a variety of material, from academic literature, to popular pieces in a somewhat intense effort at trying to understand Twinkle’s inner life better. My drive is a blend of personal interest – when my curiosity gets tweaked by something, I have a tendency to want to know all I can about it – plus a desire to do the best we can to help our psychologically complex, and clearly damaged Twinkle and finally to share our experiences with her in the book I’m writing as a follow-up to Susie-Belle’s story.
One area I’m absorbed with at the moment is the amazing work that’s being done into animal psychology, ethology and neuroscience. To read, and in some cases re-read in detail the works of brilliant scientists and animal advocates like Mark Bekoff and to understand how Twinkle’s impoverished and cruel background has affected her brain and thus behaviour is totally absorbing. I can’t read quickly or widely enough right now, I’m hungry for everything in this field I can lay my hands on as it’s really helping me to understand the inner life and unique needs of my special dog.
An example I read yesterday may illustrate why this is so fascinating to me. Taken from a new book that I’ve just completed reading (I’ll review it later, but suffice to say it’s brilliant), Animal Madness by Laurel Braitman, this passage is so pertinent to Twinkle I interrupted Michel’s afternoon snooze the other day to read it out to him – he was impressed by my enthusiasm, if not being stirred from sleep:
