Enjoying Christmas quietly

I am out of energy. It’s been a struggle to keep up with everything over the past few weeks. A little while ago I quietly admitted to myself that by the time Christmas arrived there would likely be a stack of things I’d have wished to have completed but that time would run out. And if that happened – as it has – it was going to be absolutely fine. Not the end of the world. Time carries on and the stack will still be there to tackle when energy returns.

At the weekend I was up early, it was around 4.30 am. My fidgeting mind wouldn’t let me sleep and a storm outside added to the disturbance. So I sat on the sofa with Tsuki, leaving the others in bed and wrote a few things. Including this on social media which resonated with people.

I have always loved this time of year. Christmas holds happy memories of a childhood of abundant noise and over excitement. I grew up with five siblings and our family wasn’t quiet, nor idyllic. Arguments were frequent but, remarkably, I don’t recall any that tainted Christmas. It was a happy, boisterous time with lots of tradition and three generations of the family gathering.

Nowadays, living in another country I enjoy the peace while revisiting the best of my Christmas memories. I bring some of the family traditions into our home here – mostly food based. But inevitably, there are also reflections on who is no longer here.

From November I enter a time when memories of loss creep in. It’s no secret that my dogs are my closest family. Since 2010 I have experienced the pain of losing 3 during the darkest weeks of the year. Within days of Susie-Belle’s my dad’s final decline began and his last Christmas was unbearably sad.

A very good friend is experiencing the same now with her beloved dad and there’s no escaping the emotional complications of it happening at this time of year.

I don’t dwell too much, but at the moment, introspection is a natural state for me and I don’t fight it. That however is not to say that I find this time of year hard. I don’t. I enjoy it a lot but in a quiet way. And I recognise what’s important for me, and what is not.

For anyone finding this time of year hard, or lonely, you are not alone. And it is perfectly ok to take a quiet path through.